timandstepharebamfs:

Random thought but Oscar but the sass and dead inside-ness turned up to MAX.

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Ozpin: Hello, there. I’m Professor–

Oscar: Shut the *&% up. It’s 6 am. I haven’t had my coffee yet. And you don’t want to deal with me when I haven’t had my caffeine.

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Yang: You turned my mom and uncle into birds! What’s wrong with you?

Oscar: So you’re okay with Ozpin randomly jumping into bodies but two people consenting to having the ability to turn into birds freaks you out?

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Oscar: *to the tune of Old Macdonald’s* I am so stressed that sunlight hurts! I am the gods’ mistake!

Jaune: Are you okay there?

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Oscar: Wait, wait, wait … Lemme get this straight … We want Ruby to train her hand to hand skills but we don’t want her to train the thing Salem wants her dead for? What the *&(^ are we even doing in this house for?!

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Oscar: *straight up chugs coffee like a shot of tequila*

Nora: I put salt in there

Oscar: I know.

Nora: …

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Oscar: *SWEARING PROFUSELY*

Ozpin: Language

Oscar: Eat *$(#.

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Oscar: Lemme guess, you keep smiling because you wake up every morning, walk to the mirror and lie to yourself that everything is going to be fine when it clearly isn’t?

Ruby: No, I don’t!

Oscar: …

Ruby: Okay, maybe a little. 

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Ruby: You’re not a little freaked out that Salem and Ozpin used to be married?

Oscar: I already knew that Salem hated Ozpin. Now I just know that they *#&$ed. And why the moon is shattered. A god literally just yeeted themself off the planet. 

Ruby: What about the fact Ozpin doesn’t have a plan?

Oscar: To be honest, I just kinda expected it. Didn’t want it to be true though. I mean, it’s been 3000 years. Neither of them are dead yet. I don’t even think Salem has a plan to take over the world if it’s taken this long. 

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Oscar: *at Qrow* Okay, I know you’re pissed and all that Ozpin has been wasting your time but did it merit PUNCHING ME IN THE GODDAMN FACE AND THROWING INTO A &%*ING TREE?